December.

What a horrible week, in my horrible month. Even my normally indestructible outdoor countenance is taking a beating this time round. Very dark times, not least politically, with Julian imprisoned and demonised and WikiLeaks struggling, the loathsome Tories shafting every vulnerable part of our society with all the finesse an Eton schoolboy can muster,it's not sounding cheerful.
Of course I can't get out of this bloodstained arsehole of a country either, thanks to my comittments and responsibilities and that it Not Good. I suppose people like the EDL and the Tories should be opposed and I should stay and fight the good fight and all that, jolly good fwah fwah fwah.
Ugh.
Sometimes I would give a lot to live on a landmass so immense there were patches where you could just sort your own politics, but that's just idealism, because no matter how peaceful and well run your ideas are there will be people who come and seek to destroy the walls of your little world, and then all the peaceful ideals you try to live by have to postponed as you defend yourself, or you get ripped to bits over and over again. Don't I know it.

Ben very open with people this week. More so than normal, even, and learnt some stuff about other people, which has ended violently internally, if I'm honest and left parts of me dead, dying or critically wounded. But it's led to an epiphany that I've had before, but is always a shock when I realise it again. I'm living my own hated cliches and it's infuriating going through the motions when I could be alive, passionate and sparkling. Well, maybe not sparkling. I tend to stick to matt black, after all. I'm so faded at the moment. Poor Spook is getting the brunt of it too, as he is here most he gets my sullenness and boredom and I think it probably gets to him more than he lets on. I need to go away somewhere or just get myself straight somehow, but I've not got the time, I've got work next week and then Christmas. Maybe I can persuade it to rest for a couple of weeks.Hate December.